I mean really does He?

What gives? God wants us to believe with blind faith that he created the universe and all living things. Okay fine I can handle that. Then by faith we are to believe that Jesus Christ was placed on earth in order to pay for our sins. Okay I can handle that.

Now what I can't handle is this. It is written "ask and you shall receive". Well I am not asking to be a millionaire, or drive the most expensive cars or be super good looking all I want is not to have everything that can possibly go wrong, do exactly that.

How much does a person have to deal with without going totally insane and just telling God to heck with it? I pray for and yet nothing. What's the deal here? God was supposed to have communicated auditorilly in the old testament but where is he now? All I ask for his a little help here. For the IRS not to take everything, for BoA not to take our house, for my business to provide on a regular basis, to meet the needs of our family to insure my kids can go to college. I'm not asking for a lot here, just some help to ge through all the crap of this life.

I would rather be done and have my life insurance solve the problems of my failures. Apparently all I can do is half ass everything and it's pretty bad when you get the nickname whith a play of half, ass and my last name> HalfAshe <. But it's true everything I do is half ass. I can't finish anything and everything I can or do finish is done half ass.

And in all of this halfassness, where is God when I need him? Sure I'm supposed to know he is right there but how about a little notification some time? Am I angry at God? Well yes. My mother died when I was six, and after that I was just lost. Sure I was raised in good home, but my uncle was so indifferent towards me, all of the father figures I searched for were all of the dads of my friends.

I love my dad and he did the best he could but my option at the time was to live with other family. He traveled around for work and my stability and schooling was more important.

But with all this, praying just seems like such a waste of time because I dont see where it gets us. My friend Rod has been out of work, is very Godly, prays daily and nothing. So where is God for Rod? No job that will provide for their family completely.

So does God really hear us? That is my quest to find out. Because right now I get the feeling it's a no.