At least not me anyway

Another blow to the things I will never finish. AFter two years of training I now will not be able to go to my events. Why? Because I am too stupid to manage my money properly, plan ahead and save for the time I would need money.

Yea, that's right. I can't go because I can't afford to. Can I borrow it? Maybe, but I'ma bout tired of that ongoing circle.

God, only hears the prayers he wants too or at least that's the way it seems. I'm not asking for the moon just to meet my needs, get my kids through college, pay what it due to those that I owe and be happy.

Am I cursed or what

What the hell?

One car dead, motor problems.

One car dead, wheel came off and totally effed up the whole axle assembly.

AC went out in the house.

No money to fix anything.

Couldn't afford to do anything for Mother's Day, birthday, and anniversary.

Vendors screwed me over by not running parts.

Can't keep up with house payment.

IRS

Just one bullshit thing after another.

Two years of training down the drain because I probably wont be able to afford to go the National Senior Games.

Geez, God how about a break? Really, how about a little help here?

I think he does

Sometimes ideas and thoughts strike me. Are they from my own brain or do they come from somewhere else? 10 Seconds at a Red Light was stuck on yellow for a while until just now. The words came out effortlessly for the prologue and then it struck me who was telling the story. God was the narrator, He was the only one possible to know, and see all the details on Him,

Thank you God you do answer prayers because I did ask you to help me bring the words forward to allow me to work and finish this book. Now if you can just help me out on some of those other things I would really appreciate it.

Thank you for Easter. I know that had to be the hardest thing a Father could do but you have pretty strong shoulders I imagine.

I guess He does, but do we listen

Lately it seems like God doesn't answer prayers at least not mine. Because I'm still in this crap hole situation with mortgage company, IRS, business is driving me crazy and I am absolutely about to have a cranial explosion.

I dont want God to make me rich I just want a break.

Prayer

I look at things and I see glimpses of hope like my wife is getting better, Charlie from church should probably be dead but he made it through some serious medical junk. All in all I just doubt at times my own resolve to see the big picture. To know that I am being heard to get the feedback I want but it doesnt work that way.

Why can't God just talk to us the way he talked to Moses? If it isn't the way then we talk to Jesus as a middleman? Okay let's try it that way since no one comes to the Father except through Me He says.

Then I come to you Jesus, forgive me of sin-period, I thank you for the ultimate gift can you please make my life a little easier?

When God gives you lemons

I dont want to make lemonade,I just want to smash them into the ground. If God does hear us how are we to know he does? In conversation one speaks the other responds and this goes back and forth.

It seems like this is a one way conversation with you God and I would just like some feedback besides all of the bad things that keep happening. When does the good stuff come along?

I ask for forgiveness for my sins and my disobedience and we are forgiven yes?

I mean really does He?

What gives? God wants us to believe with blind faith that he created the universe and all living things. Okay fine I can handle that. Then by faith we are to believe that Jesus Christ was placed on earth in order to pay for our sins. Okay I can handle that.

Now what I can't handle is this. It is written "ask and you shall receive". Well I am not asking to be a millionaire, or drive the most expensive cars or be super good looking all I want is not to have everything that can possibly go wrong, do exactly that.

How much does a person have to deal with without going totally insane and just telling God to heck with it? I pray for and yet nothing. What's the deal here? God was supposed to have communicated auditorilly in the old testament but where is he now? All I ask for his a little help here. For the IRS not to take everything, for BoA not to take our house, for my business to provide on a regular basis, to meet the needs of our family to insure my kids can go to college. I'm not asking for a lot here, just some help to ge through all the crap of this life.

I would rather be done and have my life insurance solve the problems of my failures. Apparently all I can do is half ass everything and it's pretty bad when you get the nickname whith a play of half, ass and my last name> HalfAshe <. But it's true everything I do is half ass. I can't finish anything and everything I can or do finish is done half ass.

And in all of this halfassness, where is God when I need him? Sure I'm supposed to know he is right there but how about a little notification some time? Am I angry at God? Well yes. My mother died when I was six, and after that I was just lost. Sure I was raised in good home, but my uncle was so indifferent towards me, all of the father figures I searched for were all of the dads of my friends.

I love my dad and he did the best he could but my option at the time was to live with other family. He traveled around for work and my stability and schooling was more important.

But with all this, praying just seems like such a waste of time because I dont see where it gets us. My friend Rod has been out of work, is very Godly, prays daily and nothing. So where is God for Rod? No job that will provide for their family completely.

So does God really hear us? That is my quest to find out. Because right now I get the feeling it's a no.